Today would have been my dad's 60th birthday. He was only 53 when he died, which is way too young. I am lucky that I was an adult when he passed away; the loss was very difficult for my brothers and for my son.
I always thought that having young parents meant that they would be with me for longer than other people, and I always counted it as a blessing. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way for me. I feel young to be shocked by the people I have lost, and I have been struggling with it a lot lately.
I believe that we choose our family, and I have chosen to spend time with the people I love. The people who matter most to me. I'm very happy about the people I have chosen to have in my life. However, some days are harder than others when I'm remembering the people who are gone from my life. This is one of those days.
1. Today, I am grateful that my dad was a teenager when I was born. It was a lot of fun having teenage parents; they might not have been the most responsible, but it was definitely fun.
2. I am grateful that my dad lived as long as he did, and that I had that many years with him.
3. I am grateful for all of the things that M gave me after my dad died, including many photos from when I was a baby and young child.
4. I am grateful for the inheritance I received from my dad, which got me through one of the worst years of my life.
5. I am grateful for my son, and that he loved his grandpa so much. My dad loved his grandson so much, too, and I'm glad my son was old enough that he will always remember that.
6. I am grateful that M was able to meet my dad, and that he met him while he was sick. My dad was so different after he got sick, and he was a much kinder and happier person.
7. I am grateful for the support of all of my friends when my dad was sick. People were very helpful and emotionally supportive, even people that I didn't know very well.
8. I am grateful that I was able to give a eulogy at my dad's funeral. I didn't prepare for it at all, but I'm glad I said what I did. Also, if I wouldn't have spoken, I wouldn't have noticed that the church was entirely filled; my dad touched a lot of lives.
9. I am grateful that my dad's family has been so accepting of me.
10. I am grateful that my dad accepted me exactly as I am. He would listen to me talk about anything: gender, politics, religion. He always respected my opinion, even if he didn't agree with it. I wish I could still talk to him sometimes, but at least I will have that acceptance with me for the rest of my life.
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